Memorial Day Weekend

Happy Memorial Day!!! And most importantly a BIG thank you to all the men and women who have served this country and made it possible for us to be able to celebrate today. I've been busy looking for new recipes, and getting this apartment thing down. And now that the pool is open, well you can most likely find me there all day every day. I was lucky enough to have a 4-day weekend, which was so unbelievably needed! I also talked to a good friend of mine from college and solidified a beach vacation in July! (Finally!!) I need a beach vacation. Also, I found out last night that Bella is officially afraid of popsicle sticks. So much so I can't eat my creamsicles in peace.  She just stares and barks at me. Sometimes I have no idea what I'm going to do with her. I finally caved and turned on my AC, I'm not looking forward to that electric bill. I started weather proofing my windows to ensure nothing escapes out, and nothing sneaks in (I keep finding giant spiders). Who needs a man!? Soooooo let's get to it...

Friday night I stayed in and enjoyed a nice night of snuggling Bella and some TV. Saturday I finally got to hang out with my little and have so much needed girl time! We went to our local Minor League Baseball Team....followed by post-game fireworks.

Big/Little

I had an absolute blast, and I definitely enjoyed catching up with her! I've also been spending a lot of time walking on my days off, unfortunately, I didn't get too much of a chance to do that this weekend as I was busy with some other things. But I love the walks I do get to take, so peaceful, and the surroundings are beautiful.

One of my favorite spots, and it's 2.5miles from my start point. Part of the trail I walk actually crosses over the water, and when it rains the levels rise and sometimes over the trail. Welllllllll, I walked over it thinking "oh the water isn't that deep", I lied to myself, that shit was to my ankles. Of course, it was during one of the 6mile walks, and I ended up with blistered from wet socks rubbing with sneakers. Ouch.

The pool finally opened, and I've spent some time at it all 3 days this lovely holiday weekend. I ALREADY HAVE A TAN!! What!!! Happy girl right here. I hate being a pastey white, and I refuse to look orange from a spray tan. This means I'll have a bomb base by the time my vacation comes up in July. Speaking of vacations and fun. . my birthday is coming up at the end of June, for those of you that are interested I really want to do something big. I haven't had a fun all out blast just for me and me only. Maybe that's being selfish, but I'm not really sure I care. I feel like I deserve it.

In other worlds, I've also been cooking a lot this weekend. I made southwest black bean hummus, my super awesome pasta salad, and my philly cheesesteak suffed peppers. I'll post everything in my recipe section!

Get outside and enjoy this beautiful weather!!

Chillin' with the YES team

The "YES" team was formed officially on Saturday night. I'm kidding, we're really not a team, but we decided that the answer will always be YES when it comes to us. Which is obviously not true. So Thursday I went a little hard. A friend of mine was actually in town before they took off traveling for work again so we decided to catch up with each other. Let's just say I clearly need to slow down. I'm taking life wayyyy too fast. But at least I'm enjoying it right?!

This is all we did on Friday

I wouldn't trade her for anything. I wish people would take a step back and realize that she's not just my dog, but my best friend, my companion, my savior and the reason I wake up every day. I get so tired of people bashing my obsession with her, or even people acting like I put her before everything else. News flash, I'm not sure I would still be here today if I didn't get her back. I gave up many times for a couple months. Struggling to find a reason to get out of bed.

So Friday was strictly us lounging and sleeping, some times you just need days like that. Saturday was turning out to be the same until a friend of mine asked me to meet up. We went out for a couple drinks and formed the YES team. What. A. Night. So full of laughs. And on that note, I really wish people would stop spreading rumors. Just because two people hang out doesn't mean any thing. It's okay to have friends.

My confidence is booming some nights

I had a friend from college comment that she was amazed at how far I've come. Truth is it took me about 30 minutes to figure out what shirt I wanted to wear. Even though I've lost about 46lbs, I still feel like I weight over 200. It's so unbelievably hard to change your own mind set, especially when people have drilled it into your head that your ugly, fat, stupid or what have you. Bullying has such a negative effect on an individuals for longer than just a few months or years. It can last a lifetime. I'll admit I am not the nicest person and I have been known to judge. I think the reason for that is because I feel as though I need to defend myself. That's so sad. I honestly wish I didn't feel that way.

Just a nice little reminder of how far I've come

I am absolutely no where close to where I want to be, but it's pictures like this that really throw everything into perspective. I know that I post them a lot on Facebook or Instagram, but I need the reminder. I need to see it for myself, because when I look in a mirror, I don't always get that feeling of accomplishment.

So I'm always looking for new recipes and I found one for "healthy" crockpot BBQ chicken. It really wasn't that bad in terms of calories, the only thing I worried about was the sodium level in the sauce. I'll be posting the recipe here shortly.



BBQ pulled chicken, broccoli slaw and sweet potato fries

I'd like to think it was a fairly healthy dinner. To end my dinner I made some homemade whip cream (not that healthy) and paired it with some fresh strawberries. MMM..

Bella got to lick the bowl

She's so spoiled, and I'm going to regret that treat tomorrow when her stomach is bothering her. Oh well, she deserves it. She was such a great dog all weekend long. It's been uber hot here, and I'm refusing to turn on my AC because I do not want to pay the electric, but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out.

On a totally random note, you know what I don't like!? Liars. People that try to play games. Don't act like you wanna hang out and get to know me when you have a girlfriend, fiancé or a wife. What is wrong with people!?!?!? Makes me sick, if you're not happy in your relationship and need to run off to someone else, then maybe you should just get out of your relationship. You're just gonna end up miserable in the end.

Any who, my cousin came home from the hospital today, just in time for Mother's Day to spend with her son. My aunt goes in for surgery on the 19th to fix a problem from her last surgery, which I'm hoping this will put her on the right track to gain some weight and kick cancer's butt. Fingers crossed y'all. And lastly... it was Mother's Day, and my mom is better than yours. No really.

Throwback photo of my Mom and me

She has listened to it all for sure, and has always been there when I needed her. Happy Mother's Day to the most wonderful Mom there is!!! I love you!

"Beauty is the opposite of perfection-It's about confidence, charisma and character"

Cinco De Mayo, A Day Late

Happy Cinco De Mayo!!! A day late!! I did get around to making the Chicken Enchiladas. . mmm so good. But I didn't get to make the black bean hummus (because I had nothing to dip in it, oops.)



Chicken Enchiladas

So Good



I'll be posting the recipe on my recipe page shortly after this!!! They're supposed to be "skinny" but I think the flour tortillas and the cheese trump that.

I've been trying to get myself back on track with the health kick since I kind of lost touch with that for a couple weeks. So to start that off I had a pretty healthy breakfast the last two days.

Geen Tea, Scrambled Egg Whites With Cottage Cheese and English Muffin With Nutella And Strawberries

 

My favorite, I LOVE my English muffings with Nutella and strawberries. I also went to The Fresh Market and bought some strawberries. Someone please explain to me why I can buy Driscoll's strawberries at The Fresh Market and they're super red, delicious and PERFECT. . but when I buy Driscoll's strawberries at Kroger they're mushy, on the way out!?! I don't get it. The Fresh Market for any fruit and veggies from now on I think.

 

 

Look at the size of that thing!!!!

 

Strawberries are so good. There's a local strawberry farm that's about to open, hopefully, this weekend and I'm going to be there picking for sure. Spring/Summer is my favorite time of the year for fruit for obvious reasons, they're actually in season. So to celebrate my love for strawberries and the fact that I have about 3lbs of them I have to eat by the weekend before I pick more, I made my own strawberry yogurt bites!!

 

Ah boy, the pictures crooked.

So all I did was blend together a bunch of strawberries with Greek yogurt and then used some parchment paper to make a small funnel and I squeezed a bunch of dots out. Then I placed them in the freezer once they were done I went ahead and popped them off into another container (which is also still in the freezer). This way when I'm craving something sweet, instead of raiding my Nutella I'll be going straight for these babies. I'm on my second batch.

 

Sweet Baby

Everyone knows how much I love to snuggle my baby girl. I mean look at her. She's so cute. I honestly can't even imagine my life without her. I was talking about everything she's been through today with a leasing consultant at a new apartment complex I'm looking at. And I think I've had it rough. This poor girl has been fed improperly, practically starved, full of worms. . saved...and then neglected on the weekends by my ex. And yet, she still has so much love to give. She's currently snuggling the TV remote. . . like I said a LOT of love to give. So I'm pretty sure I have our living situation figured out, fingers crossed. So this morning I was cleaning a little and she was doing her usual, snuggling in my bed.

 

Hah

Just her face showing. So naturally I snapped that picture and then laid down on the bed with her. Then I noticed them. TICKS. Let me back up though. So Bella suffers from dermatitis, and she has to have an anti-bacterial bath at least once a month. For some reason it only happens in the spring/summer, and I'm thinking there's something in the grass that's rubbing her belly and making this happen. So her dermatitis was starting to act up and I said oh man she really needs to have one of her baths. I looked at her medicine which states "okay to use with regular baths and swimming" and then I read the bottle of shampoo "okay to use with flea drops".....verdict. . . LIES. I bathed Bella and then we took a walk around the apartment complex later that afternoon. Today. . . 9 ticks. One of them was buried so deep, I had to dig it out. The worst feeling in the world is hurting my baby. She was crying and scratching for me to stop, but I had to get them out. So she's okay, but now my bed is in total disinfect mode. We're, and by that I mean me, is washing EVERYTHING she came into contact with. I had to check myself and her. . 45 minutes later of checking and poking and pulling, I think we're tick free. I feel like it's lice. So that means that now I need to have her blood work done, which she's due for anyways. Ugh money. . real life problems. Just glad she doesn't hate me.

 

Music Festival

So that sunburn, is totally peeling, but I still kept some of the color. Pool time where are you!? I was feeling like a babe that day. The pants I just bought, already feeling loose, and the shirt a size smaller than usual. Best feeling ever. So tonight, to stay on track, I will be walking with my friend probably at the bike trail. Unfortunately, Bella will have to stay home. I want her new dose of flea and tick to fully absorb before I expose her to a possible chance of getting ticks again. Also, my neighbors are currently smoking (cigarettes, you weirdos) and because it's nice out it's coming into my apartment through my windows. GROSSSSS. Why. . why!?. . WHY!?!?!? It's such a disgusting habit, if I could just get my dad to stop. I'll be febreeze-ing with some "fluffy vanilla" shortly.

 

"You have more to do than be weighed down by pretty or beautiful. You are a fiery heart and a wicked brain. Do not let you soul be defined by its shell."



May the 4th be with you!

I'm a pretty big nerd, but I've never been much of a Star Wars fan (I know), yet for some reason today cracks me up. Life has been super busy and crazy since Easter. I've been in the process of trying to find a new affordable home for Miss Bella and myself, which is enough work in it's own. I also totally slacked on my clean eating, I'm sad.

 Life has just been beyond stressful for the last couple of weeks. I feel like after I got back from Mass. visiting my family in March life just tanked. I have an aunt who was diagnosed with cancer back before Christmas and I went home in March to make sure I got to see her before I didn't get that chance again. You just never know. I'm praying for her every day and hoping that she'll get better. Then my dad (and don't you dare tell his mother) ended up in the hospital with a virus that just knocked him on his ass. I received a phone call and it was "now don't be mad, but I'm on my way home from the ER, you're father is staying the night in telemetry." WHAT!?!?! Who starts a conversation like that!? Anyways, hes totally fine, he was just wicked dehydrated from the virus. He went home the next day and two days later my mom caught the same thing (hah). It freaked me out because he started picking up smoking again after he had one too many cigars celebrating life with another family member. My first thought is emphysema or worse. And of course he's pissed at me for getting another tattoo. Then their new dog Jack that they adopted has been off and on sick, and I'm not sure anyone really knows what's going on with him. In the meantime, I got really stressed out in my own life, just with every day things which started to give me actual chest pains (I'm way too young for that shit). Then today I found out one of my cousins was in a car accident, and was almost crushed between a tree and a car. Luckily she made it away with only a few broken ribs and bruised lungs. I'm so thankful her son wasn't with her, and I'm thankful that it wasn't worse. I'm not by any means a religious person, I used to try to go to church when I was kid, but it was never something I was pushed to do. But, recently, I've been reading bible versus like crazy, and praying over and over that someone out there will give my family a break.

I went to the music festival that I won tickets to and I had an absolute blast until I was so drunk I couldn't function. With all the stress in my life, no wonder. It's hard being 700 miles away, and not being able to do anything. I hope my family knows that if it came down to it, I would be home in a heart beat if I needed to be. So I just wanted to give everyone the update, and sorry I haven't posted any awesome recipes recently, but hopefully Cinco De Mayo will be promising. I'm shooting for chicken enchiladas and black bean hummus.

With all that being said. . .

"God sometimes takes us into troubled waters not to drown us, but to cleanse us."

I thought that was fitting.

Sodium Funny

I love my 3-day weekends like nobody's business. They make me so happy, and give me a total refresher after two 12-hour shifts. The last two days at work were totally crazy, just so many things to do, and well never enough time in the day to do them, even with overtime. So to sum up my day, Miss Bella and I slept in until 9am. . it was fabulous!! I then had a very big breakfast, my classic English muffin with Nutella and strawberries, scrambled egg whites with a little shredded cheese and a bowl of Kashi Indigo Morning with some almond milk and a warm cup of green tea!! I love having a big breakfast, I wish I could have them every morning, but when I wake up at 430AM. . . let's be real. So after breakfast I spent some time browsing the internet and I found this gem:

I can't stop laughing

If this doesn't scream NERD ALERT! then I don't know what will. I think any scientist can appreciate this as much as I do. If you don't get it, well I almost feel sorry for you. ::Sigh:: I'm such a geek.

Anyways Bella and I enjoyed a nice walk around the apartment complex this morning with our friend. It was a bit crisp, but I'm glad we went when we did because the rain hit shortly after.

Thankfully I got paid today, because I was seriously lacking food in my house and I was getting a little nervous. I looked up some recipes that I'd like to try within the next two weeks. Healthy chicken enchiladas and homemade black bean hummus. I'm also going to splurge and make spaghetti bread (not healthy, but totally worth it). Like I've said plenty of times before, it's okay to splurge a little. I'll be making the spaghetti bread and it'll be required to last me a weeks worth of food, so I won't have huge portion sizes. I'll most likely be making the chicken enchiladas on Sunday for my week, I'll be sure to post the recipe when I do!! I would have made the black bean hummus but the grocery store was out of chipotle peppers and I wasn't about to drive around like a weirdo all day looking for a pepper. While I was at the grocery store I tried to get myself to be healthy with my purchases. I bought lots of fruit: cantaloupe, strawberries, pineapple and grapes. I bought organic chicken which was actually on sale and even cheaper with my coupon than "regular" chicken for the enchiladas. I picked up some more Nutella (I'm not even going to explain that one haha). Greek yogurt which I plan on blending with either the pineapple or the strawberries and make my own yogurt bites. Cottage cheese, because it's super high in protein and delicious.

Look at the size of that guy

I also found out that there's a strawberry farm about 20 minutes away. . . I'm not sure why I was never aware of this. I'll be picking strawberries next month for sure!!! One of my favorite things to do is pick fruit, just because I think fresh food tastes so much better. I can't wait until I'm rich and famous and can have my own garden! ughhh veggies.

Well, tomorrow is the music festival!!! Super excited!!! (there's a dog barking outside of my apartment right now that sounds like it smokes about 20 packs of cigarettes, totally distracting). SOOO music festival, I decided to get a little fancy and paint my nails and fix my pedicure.

Not bad for free hand

The single pink nail matches my toes. I'm more of a dark pink girl when it comes to nail polish colors, unless I'm tan. Once I'm tan, anything bright! Yes please! But here's to tomorrow, drinking wine, listening to music and hopefully not getting sunburned.

I'm smaht

I'm almost hoping that I have so much fun tomorrow that this will be the result Sunday. . .don't judge. This chick is a little wild sometimes.

"She's whiskey in a teacup"

Easter

Well it's certainly been a couple of days since my last post. Life has been hectic but fun! I, unfortunately, did not get to celebrate Easter with my family; but, one of my best friends had me over for dinner, and it was absolutely wonderful! I felt so grateful that they opened up their home to me that I made a cake for dessert. I'll post the recipe, but there's nothing healthy about this one. I made fresh strawberry cake!!!

Ugh, how could you NOT want to eat that!?!?! It has fresh strawberries crushed and mixed in, along with homemade cream cheese frosting. It's totally okay to indulge once in a while, and since it was a holiday, definitely okay.

I had such a wonderful time with her family. Her sister has two great kids, both of which I adore. They crack me up! It totally feels like my crazy family back home, and I think that's why I like it so much.

So as I've announced in one of my last posts, I've been having trouble keeping Miss Bella in her crate. I ditched the crate, baby gate it is. And so far so good!!

Sad Puppy

Luckily, she's only messed once in there, but being that its linoleum versus carpet, much easier to clean! And she's actually making use of her dog bed now instead of just trying to eat it. I love this rascal so much. We had a nap on the couch this afternoon, total snuggle bug, and I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

So this weekend if the first annual music festival in my city! I'm wicked excited about it, and even more excited that I won tickets!! I was just listening to the radio and they announced that you could enter to win, so of course I got online and registered. I've only ever won one thing in my life from a raffle, and that was a computer in high school (which totally pissed off the upperclassmen), whatever. And the next day I received an e-mail saying "hey come get them at the station!". OH SO EXCITED! I'm going to sit outside all day listening to music, and get tan.

Speaking of music festivals, last June I attended the XTU concert in Camden, NJ. One of my friends invited me up, and we had a blast! It was a whole group of her friends that went. While I was there I had on my favorite pair of sunglasses, and when I got back home I couldn't find them anywhere. I was so upset. One because the first pair I owned Bella ate and two because this was the last pair the store had exactly the same. So I bought two more pairs of other sunglasses to be safe. Well, you know I've lost two pant sizes and I had to figure out what Spring clothes I had that still fit. I was trying on some old shorts and then all of a sudden I felt something under the stack. BAM! I found my sunglasses. Apparently when I got back and finished up my laundry from the trip to Jersey I must have put my sunglasses down and accidentally packed them away.

Aren't they just beautiful!?

So I'd say the last two days I've been in total WINNING mode. Look out world.

Beautiful Struggles

Today was a fun filled, painful day. I got my fourth tattoo....on my foot. Ouch.

Beautiful Struggles with a Lotus

So for those of you that are curious, I got this tattoo as a symbol for everything I've been through. I guess it's not just in the past year or so, but maybe most of my life. I know I've told you all I've always struggled with weight issues my whole life. When I was younger kids always made fun of me at school for being "bigger". I had a nickname in middle school as Fat Clown, talk about some damage to my self-esteem. I struggled with a small eating disorder for a couple months, nothing crazy like anorexia and such. But I seriously cut back on my food intake, and even skipped a couple days worth of meals. When I got into high school I had a girl call me Big Bird all the time, someone I used to call a friend. I had a group of girls I considered my best friends, until I made one small opinionated comment. Then the rumors started to fly around and not only was I fat, but apparently a whore. . that was a virgin, go figure. Who has time for all that!? Just typing about it exhausts me. I knew I didn't want to stay anywhere near my hometown. I came to Virginia and fell in love with the people, I just felt so accepted. Of course, I always felt a little left out, because no one ever seemed to be interested in me, but that was okay. I spent a lot of time with my sorority as I mentioned, which gave me a lot of confidence as an individual, and I focused on my future. After I graduated college I dropped a lot of weight, because all those late night binges, bad eating habits, lack of sleep, partying and stress was gone. When I finally accepted my first full time job I was ecstatic. I moved two hours away, unfortunately, it was right after I met my, now ex-boyfriend. We did the long distance for about 10 months until my lease came up for renewal. He asked me to move in which meant leaving my job and the new friends I had made. So I took a huge pay decrease to work at a call center and I made sure he knew that the only terms I would move in with him on was that at some point even if it was 20 years down the road, he would marry me. Everything seemed so perfect. Then it started; the lack of compromise and communication. He refused to travel for the holidays, yet expected me to give up time with my family for his. Complained that my family was always a priority (well hello, they live 700 miles away, we lived next door to his). Then it was the whole talking to other girls behind my back. The weight started to pile back on, and his drinking got out of control. I was working anywhere from 6-7 days a week 8-10 hours. I would come home, the dog would have been a total mess around the house, and he was passed out drunk in the chair. Sometimes waking up only to yell at me. I tried so hard to make it better, but it just continued to get worse. (Please know that I'm not blaming him, as it takes two to create chaos.) We finally decided on a vacation with my family, which was a battle all in it's own. What a great time, seriously. We had an absolute blast, and he spent a lot of time talking with my dad. As I mentioned before, this was the vacation he told my dad he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. The drive back was all about us, and how we had a lot to work on but how much we loved each other and couldn't wait to fix everything. All it took was 24hrs to change that conversation around. I set up a Facebook for him so he could connect with old friends, and this one girl wouldn't stop messaging him. Next thing I knew we have an argument and hes falling asleep on the phone with her. Blowing me off so he can talk to her, just one week after our beautiful vacation, he told me we were done. I hit rock bottom, totally lost it. I had not only wasted months of arguing, but gave up my career, my life. I honestly didn't know if I wanted to go on some days. When I finally made the decision to take care of me, I knew I would never let that happen again. Sure I know I'll get my feelings hurt, but I refuse to let someone walk all over me and rip my life away. So my tattoo is a symbol of all of that. The Lotus grows in mud, so it's my way of saying that I have grown from all my struggles. That I have taken those struggles and created something beautiful with them. . . a healthy life. Some of those battles may still be unspoken, but they have all contributed to the person I am today. This tattoo means more to me than many of you may ever know. I just hope (and wish for others) that they take their struggles and do the same. I know sometimes life gets rough, but it's meant to be that way. It's a test, and I truly believe it all happens for a reason. So with all that being said. . . TRUST your struggles as they are there with purpose.

Learn to love yourself

"I love the person I have become, because I've fought to become her."